Linda was not my friend. I was in high school, sitting in the car, in the school parking lot, with my father, waiting for my little sister to show up. She ran up, with a friend and they stood by the car, smiling and sporting matching nose rings. My father looked up and the two girls, and their matching noses, and exclaimed – “I suppose nose rings are part of the school uniform now.” That is my first significant memory of Linda, who was my sister’s friend. Along with a great group of friends, Linda and I rang in 2000 in Victoria Falls. We talked about the fact that we were both moving the United States and we promised to keep in touch with each other. This vague promise turned into a relationship that the word “friend” does not do justice. With our families far away, we checked in with each other almost every day and often the conversation started this way: “Just checking in. I’m alive.” Once, I called Linda when I stuck in a dress I had ordered online and that I was trying on. She was living in Boston and I was in New York City and yet, she was the first number I thought of dialing. We were travel buddies and talked about becoming the sweet old lady travelers that we often came across during our trips. We shared a love of European chocolate and I was a person she taught, and gave permission, to stab her with an EpiPen should the need arise.
On March 6th, I received a call that had never even drifted into my imagination. While flying back home from an epic vacation with her cousins, Linda passed away. The news was devastating; it still is. At the same time, there was a lot to do. Whether or not you have planned for death, when death happens, there is a lot that needs to be done, not only to put your loved one to rest but also to sort out your loved one’s affairs. Friends and family came together for Linda and, as we navigated various issues, we were frustrated, energized, and touched, often all at the same moment. It made me think about the importance of planning, not only for the workplace, but also for one’s personal life.
The first step is the dreaded will. No one wants to ever think about their mortality but, even when you think you have nothing, you always have enough to put in a will. At the very least, you have your wishes. Even when you think to yourself – oh, I am single, and/or I don’t have children – you still should have a will. Remember that a will is a legal document and you should be sure to comply with the law, or your will may not be accepted as binding. For instance, the rules about whether or not a handwritten will is recognized varies by state. You should also see if your financial accounts can be set up to be transferrable or payable upon death, as this will save survivors the headaches of dealing with probate court. In addition to letting people know what you want done with your stuff, you should also think about how and where you wish to be laid to rest, if that is something that is important to you.
We live in an age of paperless billing and most business being transacted through online accounts. This means that, for many of us, all our accounts have a login and information about accounts and their existence may only exist in our email accounts. To questions about what accounts and liabilities Linda might have, we could only shrug and guess. Dashlane estimates that the average user has 90 online accounts! Consider making a list of your accounts that you will keep safeguarded in a safe, or with a lawyer, if you keep your will with a lawyer. There are various ways in which to work to both safeguard your personal information and also ensure that your accounts are known and closed correctly, after passing.
If you don’t already have it, get life insurance. The policy doesn’t have to be a big one; just enough to cover the costs that may come up due to death. These include:
- Payment of final expenses;
- Taking care of your loved ones, if you have loved ones that depend on you;
- Payment of debts, so that your next of kin are not on the hook for them;
- Payment of estate taxes
It may seem horribly morbid to talk about death and it is certainly no fun to deal with the affairs of a loved one. In the midst of grief, you don’t want to deal with some of the headaches that can pop up around the administration of everything – dealing with hospitals, funteral homes, airlines or whatever. Fortunately, Linda had an amazing network of people who loved her (and some incredibly kind strangers who saved the day more than once). All worked hard to get her home and laid to rest near her family. We also were able to spend a lot of quality time with friends and family that we had long promised to spend time with you. You know how that happens – next week, next month or next summer turns into ten years. However, through it all, we had a lot of figuring out how to do something or where to find things because we had never even thought about navigating this terrain.
Take some time to think about what you have and what you want done about it. Talk to your loved ones and tell them to make plans, if they have not already. Remember that it is never too early to plan and, unfortunately, often too late.